A Time to Celebrate Friends

A Time to Celebrate Friends

Did you create your year-end FaceBook video? I liked that it highlighted the new friends I made this year – and I was especially proud that they were actually new friends. They were people that I didn’t know at all last year. Additionally they are people that I genuinely and personally interacted with off line! Read more

Hell hath no fury

Hell hath no fury

The alarm went off at 3:15 a.m. yesterday morning. While I didn’t exactly jump from my bed with the enthusiasm of a child on Christmas morning, I was up and moving quickly, dressing and gathering items carefully laid out the night before. Perhaps more surprisingly, about 15 minutes later, my teenage daughter was moving too. Usually only an early flight – or for me, a big race! – would have us rising so early. But this day there was no flight to an exotic vacation. There was no marathon – not even a  training run. But this day, we were about to make history.

A little after 4 a.m. the dog had been walked and fed and we were out the door and on the road heading south. Two hours later I began to sense what was about to happen…in the dark on the southern tip of the New Jersey Turnpike…a swiftly moving  concentrated glow of tail lights for miles. It was just passed six. Peace and understanding, friendship and solidarity, cooperation and patience…from the long lines for the ladies room at rest stops in Maryland to enormous crowds on the streets of Washington. It was the Women’s March on Washington. Originally, concieved in response to the November election, it ultimately had less to do with the 45th President, and was more about sending a message to all American law makers that women – as we have a history of doing – will not be silent when something needs to be done. The issues aren’t new. They are many of the same issues women have fought for before.

“Hell hath no fury” is an interpreted line based on a quotation from The Mourning Bride, a play by William Congreve, which reads in full “Heav’n has no rage like love to hatred turn’d / Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d.” (Wikipedia)

Women have demonstrated that we are a force possible of making powerful change.  Real change has occurred because of pissed off women who got fed up and rallied a movement. Women like Bernice Sandler who’s rejection for a professor’s position and being told it was because “you come on too strong for a woman,” led to Title IX prohibiting sex discrimination in education (1972). Women like “Jane Roe,” an unmarried woman who wanted to safely and legally end her pregnancy that led to the Supreme Court ruling recognizing for the first time that the constitutional right to privacy “is broad enough to encompass a woman’s decision whether or not to terminate her pregnancy” (Roe v. Wade, 1973).  Women like Candy Lightner, who after the death of her 13-year-old daughter at the hands of a drunk driver (1980) founded Mothers Against Drunk Driving ultimately cutting drunk driving deaths in half since its founding. Women like Nancy Goodman Brinker who founded the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation in her sister’s memory (1982)  because she felt her outcome might have been better if patients knew more about cancer and its treatment.

It was not only these courageous women, but the 100s of 1000s of women (and men) who supported their efforts after they took that first brave step. Because of these movements girls and young woman have opportunities to learn leadership skills and cooperation from team sports that we now take for granted. Women can manage their healthcare and family planning in a manner they and this physician feel is best (prior to Roe v. Wade, 17% of deaths due to pregnancy and childbirth were the result of illegal abortions). Almost 15,000 fewer Americans are killed each year by drunk drivers than in 1980 and the breast cancer mortality rate has decreased 37%.

Yesterday was about seeing to it that we don’t lose what so many before us have achieved. It was about honoring our values as women and Americans, to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for ourselves, immigrants, people of all faiths, races, and sexual orientation or gender identity; by protecting rights and protecting our planet. We will be victorious. We always are. Because we are stong. Because we are powerful. Because we are courageous. And because we are not alone.

The most powerful moment yesterday for me came after we returned home. Looking through everyone’s social media posts about the March, I was struck by a link to a New York Times piece showing pictures from all the marches around the world posted with the message, “Scroll through all of them then see if your eyes are dry by the end. Nothing like this since Vietnam or No Nukes.” He was right. I cried. It was like after 9-11. I finally broke down during that emotional week while watching a news broadcast showing the outpouring of support from around the world. We weren’t alone.

I sunk into my bed around 10 p.m. after 5 hours on my feet and logging 8 miles, bookended by a total of 9 hours driving back and forth. I was grateful for the time with my girl and that we shared this moment in history knowing too this was only the beginning. I coach my clients on the importance of honoring our values. I hope I am also setting a good example for my daughter. It’s okay to get pissed off. As long as you turn it into action.

After a good nights sleep, today it was back to training. I ran 12 miles. With a lot on my mind.

img_5720Washington, D.C. January 21, 2017.

Ladies, we need to stick together!

Ladies, we need to stick together!

Life coaches practice self-management, meaning I don’t let my own opinions, feelings and experiences come into focus when I’m in a coaching session with a client. That’s what I learned makes life coaching very different than athletic coaching. Life coaching is about helping a client explore where they are at that very moment and helping them discover their own path to navigate the journey – a transformation – toward living the best life they can (the focus on the here and now, rather than the past that has led to that place also makes it very different than therapy). As a running coach, I am called on much more for my experience as a runner and my expertise as a knowledgable “expert” on the sport and training techniques. When I consult with non-profits or provide career coaching to non-profit executives, they also have a certain expectation that I will be sharing my experience because they perceive me as more knowledgeable and that’s why they have hired me. Life coaching is different. A life coach evokes transformation in the client by creating the circumstances and conditions for that growth – not by imparting any kind of expertise or wisdom.

Self management aside, I will admit, that while coaching I learn a lot from my clients. And so often my clients work through their issues and come to conclusions that really resonate with me. This week’s lesson was about the importance of female friendships for women. My client, someone who has worked in non-profits serving elderly clients, talked about older women who don’t do well after their husbands die; they are the ones that don’t have strong bonds with other women. Her conclusion as she transitions into her own retirement was “I now know I won’t isolate myself and get depressed.” That was a big ah ha moment for me.

I’ve been feeling a little down lately. It kind of comes with the time of year. As any of us dealing with the absence of loved ones knows, this time of year magnifies the loss. As much as I want to hibernate from Halloween night to New Year’s morning, that’s impossible and my client made me realize that isolation makes it worse. But it’s not just isolation.  Most of us who haven’t reached retirement age yet would agree that we are out and about and keeping pretty involved and busy, right? What we might be missing though is quality time with women friends – those low pressure gatherings with a genuine, like-minded friend or two with whom we can totally be ourselves.  Too often life becomes all about our kids and our jobs, that we neglect not only ourselves, but our relationships with our girlsfriends…who ultimately are going to be there when no one else is.

I remember all to well the shock and fear I felt after my breast cancer diagnosis. The smarted thing I did almost immediately was reach out to some of the women in my running club that I knew had been there. They not only shared their experiences and offered hope, but they knew what would help me the most.  They got me out for a long run – a support group on the move! They understood me on so many levels and I will be forever grateful for having them in my life. As important as the men in our lives are and all the wonderful things they give us, there is no substitute for the support of a female friend. And together women have accomplished some amazing things (think: Pink Ribbon Campaign or Mothers Against Drunk Driving). Ladies, we need to stick together!

Retirement communities and nursing homes are filled with women! And the happier ones, my client tells me, have cultivated and nurtured relationships with other females. So what can you do today to nurture a female friendship? What will that bring to your life?  What about that is important to you? Think about it – especially now during the holiday season and the long winter ahead.

img_5413Vernon Hills, Illinois. December 2016