friendship – theCauseCoach

Sixty Weeks to 60: Besties (Part 2)

March 25, 2025March 22, 2025thecausecoach

(7 Weeks)

Aside from the M.B.S. girls, I was never one for big friend groups. I always had that one special friend in each situation. The friendship I maintained from high school is with Geralyn. Before I moved, we would get together for coffee fairly frequently, and we still exchange texts on holidays and our birthdays – a day apart. I met her on the school bus, and she was a Yankees fan.

Donna was my college roommate for almost all four years. We were both only children and I think that may have been why we made good roommates. We understood when we needed to be left alone and when we needed company. She settled in the Seattle area. She and I and our daughters had a nice time a couple years ago when we were visiting.

After finishing school, new adult friendships are often formed through work relationships. My first full-time job was with Suburban Newspapers of Northern New Jersey where I had worked part-time through college. That’s where I met Martha.

Martha and I had never spent any time together outside of work when she asked if I could pick up her daughter at her daycare one afternoon just before Christmas. Her position was keeping her there, while I had the day off. I was 23 and surprised she trusted me, when I, myself, wasn’t sure I would have trusted me. Her daughter was alive when she came to pick her up at my apartment later that day and thus began a lifelong friendship.

Summer at the Jersey Shore. 1990 and 2017

I became a welcome guest for dinner at Martha’s where she taught me how to make budget-conscious tasty meals, that allowed me to expand my home cooking beyond mac and cheese. Lack of disposable income never kept us down. We would scrounge together enough money for the baby sitter when we wanted to go out.

Martha is a bit older than me, but she was always up for some fun. She became my sidekick for my Friday nights at Nobody’s Inn dancing to our favorite band. On Sunday afternoons in the summer, we would sometimes pretend to be house hunting so we could visit million-dollar homes having open houses.

We shared a love of the beach and did many day trips to Point Pleasant Beach and for a few years we spent family summer vacations – the four of us! – on Long Beach Island. Her kids are all grown up now, with kids of their own, but we relived the old days a few years ago in Wildwood.

Martha was usually up for inclusion in my St Paddy’s Day celebrations, which over the years included incredibly fun times at the Montauk parade. Martha and her kids were included when I hosted Christmas. Martha was the maid of honor at my first wedding. After Chris died and she was between houses she lived with me for a couple months.

It’s Martha’s couch in sleep on when I’m back east and don’t feel like springing for a hotel. Martha has always been my friend with wisdom. A bit of a spiritual advisor. She has most definitely lived before. In additional to all the crazy fun times, Martha taught me about manifesting what I want in life, about the importance of daily exercise (long before I was a runner), and how to navigate the challenges of parenthood. It was her hand on my shoulder at Chris’ funeral that let me know I was going to survive.

I have learned from experience that we are never too old to make friends. Beyond work, there are clubs and hobbies, and other special interests that bring us together. Female friendships become even more important as we age. I honor all these women – and my new friends in Chicago as well (shout out to you, Claudia, Liza and Valerie!) for the impact each and every one of them has had on my life for as long as I can remember.

Please help me support Mercy Home for Boys & Girls with my 60th Birthday Fundraiser. I will be running the United Airlines NYC Half on March 16th. This will be Half Marathon #54. My goal is to reach Half Marathon #60 before the end of the year. Please help me stay motivated, and make sure the children of Mercy Home are provided the care they need. To learn more about Mercy Home and my why, please visit my fundraising page. Thank you.

Sixty Weeks to 60: Besties (Part 1)

March 18, 2025March 17, 2025thecausecoach

(8 Weeks)

Early friendships are usually forged as a result of parental relationships or by proximity. I would guess, aside from siblings (of which I had none growing up) most of our friends before school friends were either neighbors or kids of our parents’ friends. Mine were all the latter, since I lived on a busy street and all the houses that surrounded us were filled with older kids – mostly boys.

Linda was one of those first friends. Our dad’s both ushered at the 7:30 a.m. mass. She was one of the guests at my 3^rd birthday party. Linda carried on through school all the way until 8^th grade. And is still part of the close-knit group of M.B.S. girls, I continue to be connected with in a group chat now.

Then there was Amy. I don’t remember how we became friends, although we must have met in kindergarten. I’m not sure I’d call her a “bestie” per se (assuming that was even a term back then), but I spent most of my time with her. Amy was competitive and bossy. In 5^th grade, typecasted by our teacher, she played Lucy in our version of A Charlie Brown Christmas.

Amy transferred to public school after 5^th grade and eventually moved away. But that’s okay, because I had a lot of friends in my class at M.B.S. and 5^th grade was the year Connie moved to town and showed up in school that September. It was 1975. Connie and I literally invented the title “best friends forever.”

I remember a time towards the end of 8^th grade when I cried about my decision to go to a different high school. I cried like I was never going to see her again. Yet we remained close throughout high school and even college. It was probably after college as other relationships and work began to monopolize our time, that we drifted apart a bit. We never went that long without checking in at least, and I did introduce her to her husband.

Clockwise from upper left: Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey (both); Yankee Stadium, Bronx, New York; Charleston, South Carolina; Observation Deck, World Trade Center, New York.

Connie is childhood memories of silliness and shenanigans. Hours and hours talking on the phone, the long cord blocking the passage for other members of the household. Saturday afternoons at the mall or walking around Ridgewood. My parents were like her parents and hers like mine. We came of age together in suburbia. Attended high school parties. Visited each other at college. Shared fantasies of moving to South Carolina. She was a bridesmaid at my first wedding and also the only friend of the bride, besides my daughter, who made it to my 2^nd wedding a year into the pandemic.

Connie was on my softball team when my dad coached. He put her in the outfield believing of course that no one would hit the ball out there. I can remember watching it from my spot behind home plate (I was the catcher) on the diamond behind High Mountain Road School. The bat cracked and the ball flew high in the sky over the infield and in Connie’s direction. I honestly think she closed her eyes and just stuck out her mitt. Miraculously, the ball dropped right in. My dad would be reminiscing about that catch until the day he died!

Connie and I also played basketball at M.B.S. and won the parochial league championship in 8^th grade! After 8^th grade though, I continued on the athletic track. Connie did not. As young adults she was more into stuff like step-aerobic classes which I lacked the coordination for and took up running about that time. I recall one time on social media I suggested that she might like to try running. She was having none of it.

Then back in the fall she admitted to me that she had started running, had done a few shorter races, and might be up for something more challenging. So, to make a long story short – she and I ran the NYC Half Marathon together on Sunday. She was a charity running for Team For Kids. I of course was raising money for Mercy Home. Full circle. Childhood friends supporting children.

That was my 362nd race and my 54th Half Marathon. Pacing my friend to her first half marathon finish after almost 50 years of friendship definitely made it one of the best and most memorable.

Sixty Weeks to 60: Days of Auld Lang Syne

December 31, 2024January 26, 2025thecausecoach

(19 Weeks)

Out with the old, in with the new! The last day of December is day of reflection where we often label a year good or bad, before setting our sights on something new and improved. With each passing year, I’ve become more reflective – and more sensitive about mindlessly tossing out something simply because it is old.

Sixty Weeks to 60: M.B.S.

April 23, 2024August 31, 2024thecausecoach

(55 Weeks)

When I walked in to the gym looking not unlike it did over 38 years ago, life as it was came back in an instant… my parents…my friendships…innocence and ignorance…before college and work…before marriage and parenthood…before cancer and suicide…a much simpler time when I was still essentially in the care of others, including my little Roman Catholic parish in my hometown of Franklin Lakes.

I’m leaving FaceBook – here’s why

December 18, 2019December 31, 2019thecausecoach

This is Part 1 of 2. Today I’m discussing why I’m leaving Facebook. Within the next couple weeks I’m going to share how to do that in case anyone else is interested in doing the same.

About a month ago, I made my last post on my personal page and have tried to refrained from commenting or reacting since although I’ve lurked a little in the background as I tried to determine what was good about the social media platform that I might miss (and how I could fill the void). Read more →