(32 Weeks)
Growing up, I seemed to have an equal group of female friends and male friends. But thought boys were fun. They played in the dirt, liked sports, and showed up at my house with a hammer and nails when I suggested we build a treehouse. There was a family story about a time at the town’s Christmas tree lighting when I – likely 3 or 4 at the time – saw a pile of older boys, older meaning 6 or 7 probably, roughhousing. So, I ran over and jumped on top to the pile!
Although the world that females lived in when I was a child, is very different from the world my daughter has grown up in, I didn’t know. My parents were business partners. They both worked. They both did chores around the house and my dad treated my mom as an equal. While there was some gender-traditional roles each of them took on, like my mom typically cooked most of the meals and my dad was the fixer-upper, vacuuming wasn’t beneath him, and my mom would take out the trash when it needed to be done. When I was growing up, I didn’t realize woman were working so hard for “equal rights.”
THINGS THAT HAPPENED FOR WOMEN IN MY LIFETIME…
When I was 4: Women were granted the right to work jobs that had been for men only and the first African American woman (Shirley Chisholm) was elected to Congress. (1969)
When I was 6: Private employers could no longer refuse to hire women with pre-school children. (1971)
When I was 7: Title IX became law and prohibited sex discrimination in education programs, an unmarried person was granted the right to use contraceptives, and the first woman (Katharine Graham) was appointed as the first Fortune 500 company CEO (The Washington Post). (1972)
When I was 8: Roe v. Wade declared that the Constitution protected a women’s right to terminate a pregnancy, making abortion legal in the U.S. (1973)
When I was 9: Women were no longer required to bring a man along to cosign for a credit application and it became illegal to force pregnant women to take maternity leave on the assumption they were incapable of working. (1974)
When I was 10: Women were finally granted the right to serve on a jury in all 50 states. (1975)
When I was 13 — Women could no longer face discrimination based on pregnancy, childbirth or related medical issues (1978).
When I was 16: The first woman (Sandra Day O’Connor) was appointed to the U.S. Supreme Court. (1981)
When I was 19: Women were no longer allowed to be banned from previously all-male organizations like the Jaycees, Kiwanis, Rotary, and Lions. (1984)
When I was 22 —March was designated as Women’s History Month. (1987)
When I was 29: The Gender Equity in Education Act created more gender equity in the classroom, promoting math and science learning by girls, and the Violence Against Women Act created services for victims of rape and domestic violence (1994)
When I was 32: The first woman (Madeleine Albright) becomes U.S. Secretary of State.
AND IN MY DAUGHTER’S LIFETIME…
When she was 7: The first woman (Nancy Pelosi) becomes Speaker of the House. (2007)
When she was 13: The ban against women in military combat positions is lifted. (2013)
When she was 16: The first woman (Hillary Rodham Clinton) became the first woman nominated as President of the United States by a major party. (2016)
When she was 20: The first woman (Kamala Harris) was sworn in as the first woman and first woman of color Vice President of the United States.
When she was 22: Roe v. Wade was repealed.
In attending a Catholic co-ed high school, I started to see there was a downside to being female. I played soccer, but there was no girls team. Same for college until my senior year. When I entered the fulltime workforce, I encountered the glass-ceiling and what would today be defined as sexual harassment. I can think of several times, from having my bra snapped in the 7th grade to being catcalled as I walked down a street as a teen, that made me uncomfortable. But adults in the workplace were a little scarier than school bullies.
There was the boss who told me to get in a cab ahead of him so he could “look up my skirt” and a “well-meaning” co-worker who offered to walk me to my car to “make sure I was safe” and had other ideas. I got good at telling certain males to “F*** Off!” Although in hindsight, I am angry with myself for not speaking up, but I was naïve – as I think many of us were. They convinced us that it “was all in fun.” “Don’t be a prude” was even something we heard from other women.
Now I am much more protective of the younger generation in the workplace, making sure they know both opportunities for advancement and how to recognize harassment. I hope I too have set a good example for my daughter. She has seen me as a strong woman who has finished marathons, had a successful career, and survived cancer, life as a single parent, and her teenage years.
One of toughest things about being a woman is a constant battle in allocating one’s time. We rarely put ourselves first. In the choice between career and family, most of us choose both. For more than half my marriage I was the sole breadwinner which in itself is stressful, and I can relate to men who have been doing that for generations. Yet unlike a typical worker with a stay-at-home spouse, woman still get the calls from the school. I still was the one attending back-to-school nights, communicating with the Girl Scout leader, taking her to birthday parties, and coaching soccer on the weekends. During those busy years, I was also managing the affairs of my parents and other elderly relatives. Woman are asked to do a lot.
I recall a discussion with my (late) first husband many years ago following up on a news story about the development of a male birth control pill. He says, “Wow, it would suck having to take a pill every day.” Oh, really? You don’t say?
I stopped thinking of boys as more fun or smarter than me long ago. I attended the PBA Ball with a date, a local police officer, when I was about 25 or 26. I won the door prize, a “Basket of Cheer” which was several bottles of alcohol in a large Craftsman toolbox. My date wanted the tool box. I gave him the alcohol. Every girl needs a good tool box with her own tools – and can build her own tree house!
Did you really think this wasn’t going to include a fundraiser? It’s me. Of course it is! Over the course of these 60 weeks, I am hoping to raise $6000 for the children of Mercy Home for Boys & Girls (that’s just $100 a week!). To learn more about Mercy Home and my why, please visit my fundraising page. Thank you.
