My FaceBook, My Friends!

I have this on and off love-hate relationship with social media. I think a lot of people do. I haven’t quite harnessed it’s power professionally, and personally I often find it to be a major distraction and at times – especially over the last few weeks – a source of frustration that can fuel my anger or anxiety. I’m on FaceBook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Tumbler and SnapChat (haven’t quite mastered SnapChat, but my daughter insisted I join – I was just happy she wanted to include me in something!). What I’m really talking about here is FaceBook.

This is what I posted on my wall a couple days after the election:

I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, long before the election or even the campaigning. I have over 800 friends on here. How did that happen? Are there really 800 people in my life that I can honesty call “friend?” Of course not.

I use the term “virtual cocktail party” to describe how I position FaceBook in my life. I want it to be fun, and stimulating, and positively provocative…and add “life” to my life. I don’t want it to be stressful, or something that I have to shut down to regain my composure. And MY page is MY cocktail party, so I get to make the guest list. No, not all guests have to share my political views, what fun would that be? But I do want to surround myself with people that I feel have similar values and morals.

To be able to “listen” to my friends, the party also can’t have 800 guests. There are times when I have missed out on big news from people I really truly care about because someone I haven’t seen since the 80s was monopolizing my news feed. And my god, all those birthdays! I can’t take the pressure!

So, I’m going to start gradually editing my friends’ list. Please don’t take it personally if you don’t make the cut…I share groups with some of you and it will be much more appropriate for us to connect there; some of you I’ve seen in toand we don’t even say hello; some of you I haven’t seen since high school; some of you I honestly don’t know where you came from (friends of friends perhaps?); a couple of you I currently work with (and it was always my policy before this job not to “friend” current co-workers).

There are other social media vehicles through which we can still keep in touch. Please make sure I am following you on Instagram and Twitter. Linked In is a much better place for business connections to network with me. If you want to keep up with me, I’m also on Instagram and Twitter. And of course you can keep up on my blog The Cause Coach (on FaceBook, Twitter & Instagram). A lot of what I post on FaceBook is cross-posted on other social media. And finally, please feel free to message me here. If you are totally offended by this, please go ahead and make the decision to un-friend *me* – I won’t be offended. As I stress to my coaching clients, we always have choices…

Yes, we have choices. And just like you wouldn’t invite some people into your home, you don’t need to accept every friend request. If people are a source of negative emotions for you un-freind them! It’s okay. If they don’t like it, that’s their issue. If you’d rather not make waves, then just unfollow them, make them an “acquaintance” – FaceBook has built in a way to help us make choices. We have to make choices that create the life we want for ourselves.

The worst thing that FaceBook has done perhaps is change the definition of friend. We need real friends! People that we meet for coffee, have over for dinner, or who are a phone call away when we need support. That’s not to say those people don’t exist on FaceBook, but I’m sure there are a lot of lonely people out there that have 1000 friends.  Let’s all think about being a real friend. Send a message to 5 friends and make plans. Schedule an hour of your time to be with them…really with them. See their smile widen as they know you are really listening; hear their laughter at a joke you tell; feel the warmth of their embrace. Go ahead and find the true meaning of friendship.

Welcome. December 2015.